Friday, September 08, 2006

Trying to Listen

There is a wonderful lady named Robin who works to help find homes for babies with Down syndrome. All of the work she does is free. She is simply dedicated to helping these babies. She has now called us about three different babies.

She called us yesterday about a little girl in Chicago. Neither Jason or I "felt" anything about this baby. Our Social Worker has advised us to make sure a baby is "our" baby before applying for her. So following her advice, we didn't send in our home study to the agency working with this little baby. Today, Robin called us back to find out why we didn't send in our homestudy. She was confused because the little girl fit the "profile" we had filled out. How do you say we didn't because we didn't receive a confirmation from the Spirit? I did the best I could.

I feel so many emotions right now. There is a baby in Chicago that needs a home. There is a bedroom upstairs that is empty. There are six people living in this house who keep asking, "When is Joy coming home?" I feel guilty. I feel uncertain. I feel like I'm trying to follow a shadow that I can't see. I am worried that Robin won't be so quick to call us about future babies because we don't follow through and really can't explain what we are looking for. So I prayed.

The words to a Primary song that Sammi is trying to learn came to my mind during my prayer as I tried to articulate my feelings.

Tell Me, Dear Lord

Tell me, Dear Lord, in thine own way, I pray,
What thou would'st have me say and do today.
Teach me to know and love thy will, O Lord;
Help me to understand thy loving word.

I would be guided by thy loving hand,
Would hear thy voice, obey thy blest command.
Each moment just to know that thou art near
Will strength impart and banish ev'ry fear.

I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who knows and loves me individually. Ultimately, it is Heavenly Father who will guide Joy to our home. I must trust in Him.


Anonymous said...

It's so hard to have something that appears to be the right thing and then you get no confirmation. I suppose the Lord is testing us to see if we're REALLY listening. Keep praying and "Joy" will make it to your family!

Teresa said...

Your story is a beautiful one. I am American living in Germany and I am in our Primary Presidency. I was looking for the song Tell Me, Dear Lord in paragraph form, so I could print it and learn it and I came across your blog. I will help you pray to find the baby that is right for your family. What a wonderful and loving sacrifice you are making.