Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Thoughts while we wait

I thought since we are still waiting on the social worker (so, no progress in the home study department), I'd share some reasons we chose to adopt Joy and why "now".

We went to the temple in April. It was the most joyful experience in the temple I have ever had! Joy visited me there. She has the most joyful, happy, and down-right giddy spirit I have ever meet. She made me giddy through the whole session! I loved it! I thought we'll name her Joy.

After the session, I mentioned to Jason the impressions I had just had and asked him how he would feel about adopting a little girl with Down syndrome. (How did I know about her gender? Spirits have gender. She is a girl. How did I know about Down syndrome? There is a young woman in my Mia Maid class with Down syndrome. Without my associations with her, I'm not sure that I would have recognized Joy's diagnosis. ) Jason's answer to the question was that it would be hard. I agreed and thought, "well, maybe I just imagined that whole thing."

As I was changing to leave the temple, I noticed a pillow cushion that someone had taken the time to carefully write J O Y. I thought to myself, "hmm...maybe I'm not crazy."

Then as I was so patiently waiting for my husband to get changed :), I saw a little baby that was going to be sealed to his parents. And I thought, "hmm...maybe I'm not crazy."

Jason thought and prayed about us adopting a wonderful, happy little girl named Joy.

For our fast in May, we fasted about Joy. We wanted to make SURE this was His will and not something we wanted. My answer was such a blessing to me. On my knees in sacred prayer, fasting, I started to ask our Father in Heaven if it was His will that we should adopt a little girl with Down syndrome, Joy. No sooner had I begun to voice my question, then I was overwhelmed with a sweet, burning in my chest that let me know that YES, this was His will for us. I was grateful that Jason was also able to receive a confirmation to his fast.

Monday morning, we called LDSFS to begin our homestudy.

As the weeks passed, I begun to worry where the money was going to come from to pay for the adoption. Back to the temple I went and felt so grateful as Heavenly Father gave me peace and the reassurance that it would all work out. To a God that can make the blind see and the lame walk, what is a few thousand dollars?

As time continued, I became anxious again. This time that things were happening so quickly (as we worked so hard to gather documents, take classes, get 6 people in for physicals). I thought perhaps we just needed to back off a little and slow down. Back to the temple we went. As I was praying/pondering over this time issue, who should walk in, but a member of our Stake who has a child with Down syndrome. President Monson once said that there are no coincedences, only times when God chooses to be anonymous. That was my answer and we kept plugging along trying to obey the voice of the Lord.

I guess that I am slow to process what the Lord has to tell me for Him to have to continually remind me of what I should be doing, but I am grateful that He is so patient and kind with me.

Three Sundays ago, I again began to get worried. Worried that I wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of a special needs baby along with homeschooling my other 4, my church calling, Jason's church calling, our relationships with our children and with each other, and then our extended families. As we were having our morning scripture study, I read a wonderful verse that answered my fears (again!). It was Joshua 1:9
"Have not I commanded thee? (Yes, He has asked us to adopt this sweet little girl)
Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the aLord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." As I read, I felt the warm burning of the witness of the Holy Ghost. How grateful I am that in His grace He sends me so many reasurances so freely.

I can only imagine that Joy must be a wonderful, sweet soul. We can't wait for her to be here in our home and in our arms. We pray and fast for her and her birthparents.

2 comments:

Angie said...

I think it's great that you are sharing this story. It gives me so much comfort knowing our Heavenly Father really loves us and knows each and every one of us. We'll keep praying for y'all!

Kathie said...

Shell, you are an amazing storyteller - anyone that can pour their soul onto paper is amazing to me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and faith and just keeping being patient the time will be here sooner than you can ever think.